I've started my second week of the next series of treatments with the drug taxol. This drug is not nearly as toxic and is administered more quickly than the previous ones. I'm thankful that even though I could not receive the typical regiment of drugs to ward off the common reactions that taxol causes due to my pregnancy, my body received the drug without any incident. Really, despite the few days when I've hit a wall energy wise, chemo has been no worse than taking an aspirin. I can only attribute this to the faithfulness of my God who has listened and answered the prayers of so many of my family and friends.
The most irritating side effect doesn't even come from the chemo, but from the steroids which they administer in conjunction with the taxol. It causes some serious insomnia, hence the reason I'm writing this blog at one in the morning. For several nights after receiving the medication I can not physically settle down to sleep. It's as if I had several cups of Starbucks machiatto (ahh, I do miss those). But I won't complain if that is the worst of my problems.
I'm now at 33 and a half weeks pregnant, which means I have just a little over six weeks until my due date. But for those of you who have followed my previous pregnancies, you know that in all likelihood, I still have at least seven possibly eight weeks remaining. For once I am actually praying for a late delivery date so that I can finish as many treatments as possible before Leah's arrival. However, at the end of the day, a healthy baby born on God's timeline is all we ask for.
I'm still receiving a few meals a week which is a huge blessing and the many friends who have offered to watch my kids for a day or two so that I can rest is overwhelming. What I expected to be a dull and boring summer has proven to be a lot of fun for the kids. We as a family even received passes to the local pool, anonymously given to us. What a blessing! God is so good to us.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Four Down Twelve to Go...
Progress!! - I'm done with the first series of four chemo treatments. This is a huge milestone as the AC chemo that I've received is toxic to the core. It's funny the other day I mentioned this to a friend in earshot of my 10 year old. So Olivia asked me what toxic means. I told her, hesistantly, "Well, hon, it means, poisonous". Her eyes widened as she slowly realized that mom's visits to the doctor to make her well, were actually visits to be injected with poison. The irony.
As the nurse administered the last of the adryomycin she confirmed for me what I already suspected. In her 19 years of oncology, she'd rarely seen a patient who didn't suffer side effects. I can only attribute this to the power of the prayers being lifted up by so many friends, family and even strangers, who I'll never know on this side of heaven. Keep it up!
The good news came when the physicians assistant gave me the news that I can continue with treatments throughout the remainder of my pregnancy. I was thrilled by this news on several fronts. First, I'll be able to complete the majority of my treatments before Leah is born. Secondly, I won't have to contend with weekly hospital runs at the beginning of the schoolyear. (although radiation treatments will indeed have their own challenges, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it).
I'm anxious to begin the next treatment on Thursday. It should be short and sweet compared to the administration of the previous drug. I'm praying that again, there will be no side effects and also that my veins hold up to the I.V. - they are getting tired.
It's funny, even though I am still in the middle of treatments, I feel emotionally that I've moved beyond the shock and awe of having cancer. I'm ready to move on with my life and have already begun to think about my life in terms of "next year", and "in five years when". This is great progress from where I was just a few short months ago. God has already placed women in my life who are being confronted with the news that they have or may have breast cancer. It feels great to be strong enough to comfort them and brings to life the verse from 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God"
I'm surprised by how little time God gives us to wallow in our own hurts and sufferings. Life is too short. He calls us to get out of the pit and minister to those around us even when we feel we're not ready. It reminds me of the time my little Jonah got nailed in the face during a soccer game. He instinctively came running to me on the sideline for comfort. I quickly hugged and kissed the boo boo, rubbed out the pain, and urged him to get back out on the field because his teammates needed him. I knew he still felt the sting of that ball, but sitting on the sideline would only exacerbate it. Similarly, I feel like God has given me the same instructions. The hurt is still there, but God sometimes wants us to push through the pain to experience his great relief.
As the nurse administered the last of the adryomycin she confirmed for me what I already suspected. In her 19 years of oncology, she'd rarely seen a patient who didn't suffer side effects. I can only attribute this to the power of the prayers being lifted up by so many friends, family and even strangers, who I'll never know on this side of heaven. Keep it up!
The good news came when the physicians assistant gave me the news that I can continue with treatments throughout the remainder of my pregnancy. I was thrilled by this news on several fronts. First, I'll be able to complete the majority of my treatments before Leah is born. Secondly, I won't have to contend with weekly hospital runs at the beginning of the schoolyear. (although radiation treatments will indeed have their own challenges, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it).
I'm anxious to begin the next treatment on Thursday. It should be short and sweet compared to the administration of the previous drug. I'm praying that again, there will be no side effects and also that my veins hold up to the I.V. - they are getting tired.
It's funny, even though I am still in the middle of treatments, I feel emotionally that I've moved beyond the shock and awe of having cancer. I'm ready to move on with my life and have already begun to think about my life in terms of "next year", and "in five years when". This is great progress from where I was just a few short months ago. God has already placed women in my life who are being confronted with the news that they have or may have breast cancer. It feels great to be strong enough to comfort them and brings to life the verse from 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God"
I'm surprised by how little time God gives us to wallow in our own hurts and sufferings. Life is too short. He calls us to get out of the pit and minister to those around us even when we feel we're not ready. It reminds me of the time my little Jonah got nailed in the face during a soccer game. He instinctively came running to me on the sideline for comfort. I quickly hugged and kissed the boo boo, rubbed out the pain, and urged him to get back out on the field because his teammates needed him. I knew he still felt the sting of that ball, but sitting on the sideline would only exacerbate it. Similarly, I feel like God has given me the same instructions. The hurt is still there, but God sometimes wants us to push through the pain to experience his great relief.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
While I'm Waiting...
Every song has a season, and every season is made for a song. I think I've listened to this one over a hundred times in the past few months.
"I will move ahead, bold and confident, taking every step in obedience. While I'm waiting..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bb7TSGptd3Y
"I will move ahead, bold and confident, taking every step in obedience. While I'm waiting..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bb7TSGptd3Y
Sunday, May 31, 2009
So What's New?
That's the question posed by distant friends and family who visit here regularly for updates on my condition. I guess I haven't posted only because I consider everything status quo - at least as far as cancer treatment goes. But God isn't status quo. So when pondering over what to write, He reminded me that he is actively working in my life. And when God is at work, there's always exciting news to share. So here's a brief update.
I've completed three rounds of my first chemo cocktail, with one more to follow. For the more technical readers, this is a combination of andromycin and cytoxan and both are given intravenously to high risk patients to prevent the further growth of cancer cells into a recurrent tumor. The andromycin is endearingly known in cancer circles as the "red devil" due to its bright scarlet hue. I find it amusing that of all the IV's I've received in my life during child birth, surgery or otherwise, I've never known one to be anything other than clear liquid. Leave it to the cancer treatment centers to come up with a bright red IV just to remind the patient that this drug is a doozy.
And although the list of potential side effects from this cocktail measures longer than my forearm, God in His great mercy, has spared me from practically all of them. I've not suffered any nausea, mouth sores, or appetite changes (all good new for little Leah). Yes, the hair has fallen out in spades, but it took me all of five minutes to accept that. And in fact, I'm now looking forward to what surprises God might have in store for me when it grows back in: "to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning" Isaiah 61:3. Who knows, maybe I'll have that lush, wavy, blond hair after all.
Not only has God abundantly blessed me by sparing me from the worst side effects, He has at the same time protected Leah Hope who is growing with leaps and bounds inside of me. I've always had small babies and in fact, my last baby, Julianna, was so small while inutero, that I was sent to several specialists and weekly stress tests to measure her growth progression. Imagine my apprehension as I went for my 20 week sonogram a few weeks ago. I was completely prepared to be told once again that this baby was measuring small and then to be sent for another battery of tests. After all, I'm in the middle of chemo, I'm following a strict vegetarian diet and I have a history of carrying small babies. But as He's proven time and again, God has got my back. I practically laughed audibly when the ultrasound technician reported that this baby is measuring two weeks larger than gestation age! If ever I felt God's hand on little Leah, it was at that moment. And it was confirmation to me that his words are true, "I will never leave you or forsake you". In many respects, I feel like a walking mini-miracle.
I'm looking forward to finishing up the remainder of the AC cocktail, although I'm uncertain what the next steps are. I'm due to have a weekly chemo (less toxic) for the following 12 weeks. But this depends almost entirely on the risks to the baby. It would be an answer to prayer to have all this chemo behind me before I give birth, but considering the toll it takes on the body, this may not be possible.
In the meantime, I'm living my life one day at a time and enjoying the summertime with my kids. My children add a true sense of normalcy to my life for which I'm extremely grateful.
I've completed three rounds of my first chemo cocktail, with one more to follow. For the more technical readers, this is a combination of andromycin and cytoxan and both are given intravenously to high risk patients to prevent the further growth of cancer cells into a recurrent tumor. The andromycin is endearingly known in cancer circles as the "red devil" due to its bright scarlet hue. I find it amusing that of all the IV's I've received in my life during child birth, surgery or otherwise, I've never known one to be anything other than clear liquid. Leave it to the cancer treatment centers to come up with a bright red IV just to remind the patient that this drug is a doozy.
And although the list of potential side effects from this cocktail measures longer than my forearm, God in His great mercy, has spared me from practically all of them. I've not suffered any nausea, mouth sores, or appetite changes (all good new for little Leah). Yes, the hair has fallen out in spades, but it took me all of five minutes to accept that. And in fact, I'm now looking forward to what surprises God might have in store for me when it grows back in: "to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning" Isaiah 61:3. Who knows, maybe I'll have that lush, wavy, blond hair after all.
Not only has God abundantly blessed me by sparing me from the worst side effects, He has at the same time protected Leah Hope who is growing with leaps and bounds inside of me. I've always had small babies and in fact, my last baby, Julianna, was so small while inutero, that I was sent to several specialists and weekly stress tests to measure her growth progression. Imagine my apprehension as I went for my 20 week sonogram a few weeks ago. I was completely prepared to be told once again that this baby was measuring small and then to be sent for another battery of tests. After all, I'm in the middle of chemo, I'm following a strict vegetarian diet and I have a history of carrying small babies. But as He's proven time and again, God has got my back. I practically laughed audibly when the ultrasound technician reported that this baby is measuring two weeks larger than gestation age! If ever I felt God's hand on little Leah, it was at that moment. And it was confirmation to me that his words are true, "I will never leave you or forsake you". In many respects, I feel like a walking mini-miracle.
I'm looking forward to finishing up the remainder of the AC cocktail, although I'm uncertain what the next steps are. I'm due to have a weekly chemo (less toxic) for the following 12 weeks. But this depends almost entirely on the risks to the baby. It would be an answer to prayer to have all this chemo behind me before I give birth, but considering the toll it takes on the body, this may not be possible.
In the meantime, I'm living my life one day at a time and enjoying the summertime with my kids. My children add a true sense of normalcy to my life for which I'm extremely grateful.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Testimony...
I was asked to give a brief testimony at my daughters' dance recital on Sunday. I was completely out of my comfort zone, as I consider myself a much better writer than public speaker. But I was honored to have the chance to share with hundreds of people, many who don't know the Lord, how He's working in my life. So here it is...
It’s a privilege to speak about the next song the fifth through seventh grade girls will be performing – Praise You in this Storm. I remember at the beginning of the year, Danielle asked me if I thought this song would be too mature for such young souls to appreciate. I told her that though I agreed 10 and 11 year old girls may not have encountered life’s storms yet, the Bible is clear that they will. Jesus said, “In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, for I have overcome the world”. And when those storms come, God will no doubt use this song to minister to their hearts. I didn’t realize at the time, that my words would soon ring true in my own life.
A few months ago, my husband and I received the joyous news that we were expecting our 7th baby. But that joy was quickly tempered by the devastating news that I had stage 2 breast cancer. Our storm had come.
Like many people who are blind-sided by a crisis, I became completely paralyzed – paralyzed by stress over the forthcoming medical treatments I’d need to receive; paralyzed by guilt – thinking that there was something I could have done to prevent this infliction and ultimately paralyzed by fear – fear of my future and more importantly, my children’s future. My reaction was not much different than that of the disciples in Mark chapter 4, who were overtaken by squalls while sailing on the open sea:
35That day when evening came, Jesus said to his disciples, "Let us go over to the other side." 36Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. 37A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. 38Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?"
The Book of Matthew records the disciples shouting “Lord, save us, we’re going to drown!”.
In the midst of my despair, I too was crying out to God – “Save me, I’m drowning” and like the disciples, at the time, I admittedly thought that maybe God was sleeping or at least not listening to my cries. But thankfully, instead of turning to my own sinful, random thoughts, I turned to God’s truth – the Bible. And I read verses like Psalm 121
1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
God wasn’t sleeping – he never sleeps. He’s the source of my help IF I turn my eyes to Him.
I also camped on this well-known verse from Isaiah 40….
28 Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no-one can fathom. 29 He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. 30 Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; 31 but those who wait on the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
The word “wait” in this verse is the strongest Hebrew word for hope and faith. It literally means to weave a rope of His promises. Spending time in His word and meditating over his promises, helps us build that rope to hold on to. And a rope is made for rescuing.
I have a long road of treatment ahead of me - weeks of chemotherapy and radiation, interrupted by the much anticipated birth of our fifth baby girl. Medically speaking, my fight against cancer is still in its infancy . Spiritually speaking however, the battle is won! The day I chose to stop dwelling on my sickness, despair and fear and instead chose to dwell on God’s power, hope, and love – which the Bible says “casts out all fear” - was the day God rescued me. The day I chose to “Praise Him in this Storm”, even without knowing when the crashing waves will stop or the bellowing winds will cease, was the day I gained God’s peace over life’s battle of the unknowns.
Pray with me:
God, your Son Jesus said in Your word, “In this world, you will have trouble, but take heart for I have overcome the world”. And there are some here today who feel like they are drowning and the surging waves of a storm are overtaking them. I don’t know their situation, but You do God. As they scan the horizon looking for that rope of rescue, may they be drawn to the promises of your word “I will never leave you or forsake you”. May they cling to the truth that when we lift our eyes unto the hills, our help comes from you – the maker of heaven and earth.
Some here today Lord, may not be in the midst of the storm, but may see the dark clouds gathering in the distance and know that one is not far off. Give them the courage to praise you when that time comes knowing that your perfect love casts out all fear. That your word promises, “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you.”
And ultimately, whether in good times or bad, may you receive all the glory and praise unto your precious name, our savior, Jesus. Amen.
It’s a privilege to speak about the next song the fifth through seventh grade girls will be performing – Praise You in this Storm. I remember at the beginning of the year, Danielle asked me if I thought this song would be too mature for such young souls to appreciate. I told her that though I agreed 10 and 11 year old girls may not have encountered life’s storms yet, the Bible is clear that they will. Jesus said, “In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, for I have overcome the world”. And when those storms come, God will no doubt use this song to minister to their hearts. I didn’t realize at the time, that my words would soon ring true in my own life.
A few months ago, my husband and I received the joyous news that we were expecting our 7th baby. But that joy was quickly tempered by the devastating news that I had stage 2 breast cancer. Our storm had come.
Like many people who are blind-sided by a crisis, I became completely paralyzed – paralyzed by stress over the forthcoming medical treatments I’d need to receive; paralyzed by guilt – thinking that there was something I could have done to prevent this infliction and ultimately paralyzed by fear – fear of my future and more importantly, my children’s future. My reaction was not much different than that of the disciples in Mark chapter 4, who were overtaken by squalls while sailing on the open sea:
35That day when evening came, Jesus said to his disciples, "Let us go over to the other side." 36Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. 37A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. 38Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?"
The Book of Matthew records the disciples shouting “Lord, save us, we’re going to drown!”.
In the midst of my despair, I too was crying out to God – “Save me, I’m drowning” and like the disciples, at the time, I admittedly thought that maybe God was sleeping or at least not listening to my cries. But thankfully, instead of turning to my own sinful, random thoughts, I turned to God’s truth – the Bible. And I read verses like Psalm 121
1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
God wasn’t sleeping – he never sleeps. He’s the source of my help IF I turn my eyes to Him.
I also camped on this well-known verse from Isaiah 40….
28 Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no-one can fathom. 29 He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. 30 Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; 31 but those who wait on the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
The word “wait” in this verse is the strongest Hebrew word for hope and faith. It literally means to weave a rope of His promises. Spending time in His word and meditating over his promises, helps us build that rope to hold on to. And a rope is made for rescuing.
I have a long road of treatment ahead of me - weeks of chemotherapy and radiation, interrupted by the much anticipated birth of our fifth baby girl. Medically speaking, my fight against cancer is still in its infancy . Spiritually speaking however, the battle is won! The day I chose to stop dwelling on my sickness, despair and fear and instead chose to dwell on God’s power, hope, and love – which the Bible says “casts out all fear” - was the day God rescued me. The day I chose to “Praise Him in this Storm”, even without knowing when the crashing waves will stop or the bellowing winds will cease, was the day I gained God’s peace over life’s battle of the unknowns.
Pray with me:
God, your Son Jesus said in Your word, “In this world, you will have trouble, but take heart for I have overcome the world”. And there are some here today who feel like they are drowning and the surging waves of a storm are overtaking them. I don’t know their situation, but You do God. As they scan the horizon looking for that rope of rescue, may they be drawn to the promises of your word “I will never leave you or forsake you”. May they cling to the truth that when we lift our eyes unto the hills, our help comes from you – the maker of heaven and earth.
Some here today Lord, may not be in the midst of the storm, but may see the dark clouds gathering in the distance and know that one is not far off. Give them the courage to praise you when that time comes knowing that your perfect love casts out all fear. That your word promises, “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you.”
And ultimately, whether in good times or bad, may you receive all the glory and praise unto your precious name, our savior, Jesus. Amen.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
It's a Girl!
As most of our close friends know by now, baby #7 was an absolutely unexpected surprise. God has a supernatural way of making his dreams our reality. I knew from the day I read those double lines on a stick that this baby was ordained by God for something special - not yet knowing what was to come.
So last Thursday, I was overwhelmed to finally meet our little baby via ultrasound. I was then both shocked and delighted to learn that we would be blessed with yet another girl - Leah Hope. A beautiful, healthy and perfectly formed little girl. (My poor boys:()
I had purposefully scheduled this ultrasound for the day before my first chemo treatment so that I could specifically pray for Leah Hope as the chemo cocktail IV dripped into my veins. As I sat on the Lazy Boy receiving my IV, I firmly planted God's word on top of my bulging belly, praying over the pictures of Leah that I had received just the day before. "You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made" Psalm 139. I'm already thanking God that he's forming her perfectly "in the secret place". Holding on to these promises makes the journey through chemo much more purposeful and the light at the end of the tunnel shine even brighter.
When I left the hospital after the chemotherapy, the doctors advised me that the onset of sickness would probably begin that evening well into the weekend. Well, here I am Monday morning, and so far the only effects I've felt is a terrible sinus headache which is easily alleviated with Tylenol. I'm both thankful and humbled that God reveals through me his power over side effects and his wisdom over medical predictions.
I am scheduled for the next round of chemo in 3 weeks. From what I understand, each round gets progressively more aggressive and the side effects become worse. So, I'm asking everyone I know to continue to pray. Pray specifically that 1)Little Baby Gerwing will be protected from any adverse effects of the drugs; 2) The chemo will totally obliterate all the cancer cells and 3)The side effects will continue to be minimal. Spring is a busy time in our family, and mom cannot afford to slow down!
Psalm 91: 9 If you make the Most High your dwelling— even the LORD, who is my refuge- 10 then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.
So last Thursday, I was overwhelmed to finally meet our little baby via ultrasound. I was then both shocked and delighted to learn that we would be blessed with yet another girl - Leah Hope. A beautiful, healthy and perfectly formed little girl. (My poor boys:()
I had purposefully scheduled this ultrasound for the day before my first chemo treatment so that I could specifically pray for Leah Hope as the chemo cocktail IV dripped into my veins. As I sat on the Lazy Boy receiving my IV, I firmly planted God's word on top of my bulging belly, praying over the pictures of Leah that I had received just the day before. "You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made" Psalm 139. I'm already thanking God that he's forming her perfectly "in the secret place". Holding on to these promises makes the journey through chemo much more purposeful and the light at the end of the tunnel shine even brighter.
When I left the hospital after the chemotherapy, the doctors advised me that the onset of sickness would probably begin that evening well into the weekend. Well, here I am Monday morning, and so far the only effects I've felt is a terrible sinus headache which is easily alleviated with Tylenol. I'm both thankful and humbled that God reveals through me his power over side effects and his wisdom over medical predictions.
I am scheduled for the next round of chemo in 3 weeks. From what I understand, each round gets progressively more aggressive and the side effects become worse. So, I'm asking everyone I know to continue to pray. Pray specifically that 1)Little Baby Gerwing will be protected from any adverse effects of the drugs; 2) The chemo will totally obliterate all the cancer cells and 3)The side effects will continue to be minimal. Spring is a busy time in our family, and mom cannot afford to slow down!
Psalm 91: 9 If you make the Most High your dwelling— even the LORD, who is my refuge- 10 then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Perserverance...
Perserverance...that's what God's preparing me for.
It's amazing that when He speaks to us, he does so in such personal, creative, and obvious ways. A few weeks ago, my time with God was spent praying for complete healing from the cancer and protection for our baby while going through the treatments. Those prayers were answered by his still, small voice that reminded me that "Lo, I am the Lord that heals thee."
But as I stand at the threshold of entering a new phase of cancer treatment, I'm seeing more clearly that God does not want me to sit on the sidelines just waiting till I'm cured until I get back in the game. He's telling me to stay in the game and continue to serve him, relying on His strength in times of weakness.
A few weeks ago during church communion, as I'm praying over the elements, I felt His nudging, "Stay outward focused." Not an easy thing to do when you've just announced to the world that you're pregnant with cancer - it seems as if every conversation comes back around to the topic of my health. However, I was reminded that even Jesus, up until He took His last breath, was concerned about the lives of others, "Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do" Luke 23:34.
God's word was confirmed yesterday by a friend of a friend who 26 years ago fought against breast cancer. Her message to me was to not set all my sights on healing, but to focus on where God has me in the process. And then today this verse leaped off the pages of my bible "Let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us". Hebrews 12:1.
Never in a million years would I have marked out this race for myself, but God in His sovereignty has marked it for me. I think back to my brief but memorable stint in Jr. High Track when the practice coach would lay out a running course for us complete with hurdles, cones and lane changes. The team would watch expectantly as he took great care in strategically placing each cone and hurdle precisely where he thought it would challenge us the most. He marked out our race. In the same way, God himself has laid out this course before me, strategically placing each marker - each hurdle, challenging me to push forward, and coaching me along the way. And I know that at the end of the race I will be rewarded with a prize that surpasses all earthly rewards.
James 1:12 Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
I am now in the position of choosing my response; will I run the race that God has lovingly marked before me or sit it out on the sidelines, standing idly-by while God's team marches down the field without me.
It's amazing that when He speaks to us, he does so in such personal, creative, and obvious ways. A few weeks ago, my time with God was spent praying for complete healing from the cancer and protection for our baby while going through the treatments. Those prayers were answered by his still, small voice that reminded me that "Lo, I am the Lord that heals thee."
But as I stand at the threshold of entering a new phase of cancer treatment, I'm seeing more clearly that God does not want me to sit on the sidelines just waiting till I'm cured until I get back in the game. He's telling me to stay in the game and continue to serve him, relying on His strength in times of weakness.
A few weeks ago during church communion, as I'm praying over the elements, I felt His nudging, "Stay outward focused." Not an easy thing to do when you've just announced to the world that you're pregnant with cancer - it seems as if every conversation comes back around to the topic of my health. However, I was reminded that even Jesus, up until He took His last breath, was concerned about the lives of others, "Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do" Luke 23:34.
God's word was confirmed yesterday by a friend of a friend who 26 years ago fought against breast cancer. Her message to me was to not set all my sights on healing, but to focus on where God has me in the process. And then today this verse leaped off the pages of my bible "Let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us". Hebrews 12:1.
Never in a million years would I have marked out this race for myself, but God in His sovereignty has marked it for me. I think back to my brief but memorable stint in Jr. High Track when the practice coach would lay out a running course for us complete with hurdles, cones and lane changes. The team would watch expectantly as he took great care in strategically placing each cone and hurdle precisely where he thought it would challenge us the most. He marked out our race. In the same way, God himself has laid out this course before me, strategically placing each marker - each hurdle, challenging me to push forward, and coaching me along the way. And I know that at the end of the race I will be rewarded with a prize that surpasses all earthly rewards.
James 1:12 Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
I am now in the position of choosing my response; will I run the race that God has lovingly marked before me or sit it out on the sidelines, standing idly-by while God's team marches down the field without me.
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